Just before the photo shoot for the MILF 2024 calendar, I'm on the phone with Geri, the September girl in my MILF calendar.
I know the basics about her: she's my teammate at ASICS, she runs the marketing department of a big home-appliance chain, and she looks terribly, and I mean terribly, good. Those facts are enough for me to invite her to model for my MILF calendar, but not enough for me to come up with her slogan.
For the slogan, which I put special effort into, I'll need more information – something about her character, her personal interests and her tastes.
So I step into the role of interviewer with the cliché “Tell me something about yourself.”
Well, Geri hesitates before telling me:
“There's something really interesting about me. All my girlfriends tell me: ‘At first I thought you were a total cupcake, and only once I got to know you did I realise how cool you are, what a legend you are, and frankly – completely mad.’ But, you know,” she stresses a few times in disbelief, “a cupcake, a proper cupcake, right up until they get to know me.”
“What are you so surprised about, Geri?” I thought to myself at that moment, when I only knew her at first glance. “You're a cupcake through and through!” Now, let's not kid ourselves. The girl has a perfect look; every little detail of her appearance is done with great taste. And the fact that she runs the marketing department of ZORA only confirmed the “cupcake” diagnosis, since the company belongs to her family – founded by her grandfather and her father.
The combination of factors made her the perfect victim for the “cupcake” label from people like me, who jump to conclusions.
Then again, what's so bad about being a “cupcake”, and why does this word, in its metaphorical sense, still carry a negative shade?
I've been pondering the question for a long time, and my interpretation is this: somehow, a woman's success is still measured by whether she “manages to attract and KEEP a man”, and at least the attracting part depends directly on good looks.
This is tattooed deep in our subcutaneous layer with the invisible ink of public and family opinion. As an example, I can give you a conversation with my own mother, with whom, about a month ago, we were discussing mutual acquaintances, close friends of hers:
“Well, the poor things, they've got nothing to boast about to me, their daughters are divorced,” my mother declared in the condescending tone of a dignified lady for whom everything is just fine. Everything is just fine because her daughter, over the last 18 years, if nothing else, has at least managed to keep hold of her husband.
I read all of this in the dark depths of my mother's Capricorn gaze; she didn't need to say it out loud. I also read, in that same gaze, how she suppressed the urge to finish her closing argument with… “despite all your wriggling about on Facebook, Niyo, how that man puts up with you, I don't know.”
“So is that all you boast about when you get together with your friends – ‘my daughter hasn't got divorced’…”
I imagined the conversation at their get-togethers:
“My daughter got divorced.”
“Mine hasn't, touch wood, don't let the devil hear.”
Knocking on the wooden table, a sip of coffee, followed by an awkward silence, since the topics for boasting and one-upping have run dry. Besides, an undisputed winner has been declared, who now belongs to a higher caste, namely – “mother of a married woman”.
“Surely people with divorced children have something to boast about too!” I tried to get her to look at the world a bit more cheerfully.
My mother threw me yet another look, this time carrying a new message for me from Lord Capricorn, namely: “I know you'll never understand normal social conventions, I gave up on you long ago. Let's drop the subject.” Which we did.
Whether because of this, or because of the self-esteem a woman gets from male attention, which again is generated mainly by looks, we women put extraordinary effort into maintaining them.
Which I don't think is anything bad. I myself have had a few tweaks done, I've never hidden it, nor do I hide that thanks to those tweaks I feel much better in my own skin. People said it long ago: “Beauty is pain, Granny, so grin and bear it.”
But why do I myself put a negative shade on the word “cupcake”, when I myself have never accepted my body the way it is? Doesn't that smell a bit of hypocrisy?
For me personally, “cupcake” means “a woman whose MAIN/ONLY interests boil down to improving and maintaining her appearance”. They don't make an effort to develop their talents and abilities, they don't make an effort to be financially independent, etc. All their energy is swallowed by the black hole of looking after their exterior. I won't lie and say they enjoy my admiration. Those are the ones I call “cupcakes”.
Right. This whole verbal tirade wasn't about Geri, but it's on a subject that has always stirred me, and my thoughts on it were provoked by Geri herself. Because, getting to know her over time, I came to agree completely with her girlfriends' opinion, namely that she's an absolute legend.
The fact that she takes care of her appearance doesn't at all mean she doesn't also take care of developing her inner qualities, talents and gifts. In a nutshell, with her there's a filling too. If I could change the slogans on the already printed calendar now, I'd change Geri's to “A Cupcake with a Filling”.
How did I find out about the “filling”? Well, little by little.
Geri and I are on two teams together – not only the ASICS FrontRunner community, but also Militsa's Running Community.
The very fact that she signed up with Militsa says how dedicated she is to her running results. With Militsa, Geri follows a personalised training plan. That plan demands daily dedication, and I often see Gergana running with a head torch at night. It would be understandable if, what with going to the office and then looking after her son, she couldn't fit an hour and a half of running into her schedule. While I would simply skip the run that day, Geri finds a way not to miss one.
This summer, Gergana finished the Utopia triathlon on her own (not as a team, but on her own). This race consists of 1500 m of open-water swimming, followed by mountain biking and a 10 km cross-country run. Each of the three sports requires specific preparation; the combination of the three – even more specific. And how much courage it takes for an inexperienced person to even go for it, I will never understand. Last year I tried the same race, only as a relay (just swimming and running, while my teammate did the bike). I can say with confidence that the moments before I got into the water, ice-cold by my standards, not being sure I wouldn't drown, were among the most stressful ever. Of course, afterwards I was rewarded with the satisfaction of having had the courage to try something new. And for me, that's one of the greatest rewards in life.
In 2023, I shouted from the rooftops about my courage in swimming in open water. I've written at least 2–3 blogs just about this “heroism” of mine. And this summer Geri did the triple start – swimming, cycling and running – and a hugely successful finish on top of that: she came second in her age group.
In the FrontRunner community we have certain duties, and one of them is creating posts on Instagram, with the emphasis on so-called “reels”. They're a dynamic format of short videos, edited together from different elements. A good reel is a fair bit of work – it needs a script, editing, camerawork, music, subtitles, and a cool idea. All of this, together with the acting, is usually done by one person.
I know half my readers are rolling their eyes – “reels are cupcake stuff too”. But believe me – if you think that, you've never tried it! Only someone who has made a halfway decent reel knows it's not easy work at all. The best reels for our team, in my personal opinion at least, were made by Gergana.
Last summer Geri and I were together at the annual ASICS meeting in Bucharest. There, representatives of the teams from all over the world meet, get acquainted and spend some time together, getting to know each other through various games, parties and activities. I was struck by how extremely easily Geri communicated with strangers from the other teams, proactively struck up acquaintances and effortlessly fitted into the whole atmosphere. I shared this observation with her, with the comment that she's even more of an extrovert than me (and I consider myself one).
“Ohhhhh, one of the hardest things for me is talking to new people,” she floored me with her answer. “I get really anxious when I've got an event with new people coming up, I find it hard to make friends. But because I don't like this trait of mine, I work on myself and make deliberate efforts in that direction.”
If I were watching Gergana in a film, happily chatting with various groups of people from all over the world at the meeting in Budapest, and I had to give it a title, “The Inner Struggles of an Introvert” would be my last choice. My last, but in fact – the only right one.
As for her role in the family business – yes, she was spared the job hunt. Which is completely understandable. If I had a super successful business, I'd bring my children into it too. (Sorry, kiddies, that's not our case. Yet 😉
But climbing the company's hierarchical ladder, she did on her own.
There are all sorts of women in this world. I agree that the filling matters more than the wrapping. But I don't think the two things are mutually exclusive. Quite the opposite. I think the best possible option is to be “a cupcake with a filling”.
Oh Geri, how annoyed I am that I can't go back in time and change your slogan in the MILF 2024 calendar!
